Christmas Songs for 2016

christmas_candle_snowman_with_lightsChristmas songs are a time-honored tradition. Every year, these classic tunes invade the radio waves and fill us with holiday cheer. But like any tradition, they can get stale. As humanity has progressed into the 21st century, these carols have largely stayed the same. Here are a few “2016” updates for some beloved holiday classics:

  • White Christmas and/or Christmas of Color
  • Frosty the Snowperson
  • God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen, -women, and -gender Non-Conforming People
  • We Three Kings of Asian Descent Are
  • I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus
  • I Saw Mommies Kissing Santa Claus
  • I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, And Daddy Was Perfectly Okay With It Because They Are In An Open Relationship
  • Dance of the Sugar Plum Effeminate Male
  • Rudolph the Reindeer Who Isn’t Defined By His Appearance
  • Rockin’ Around the Object That Corresponds to Whichever Holiday I Celebrate at This Time of Year or Perhaps Nothing at All
  • Do You Hear What I Hear? Maybe Not. Some People Have Hearing Impairments.
  • Nuttin’ for Christmas Is Perfectly fine. There’s No Shame In Ejaculation.
  • What Child Is This? I Cannot Tell Because I Do Not Wish To Make Generalized Assumptions
  • Let It Snow Only If You Also Want to Be Snowed Upon
  • Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. But Grandpa Was Equally As Likely To Be Run Over By That Reindeer.
  • Away in a Mxnger
  • Baby It’s Cold Outside, But If You Wish To Leave, I Will Respect Your Decision. Also I’m Sorry For Calling You “Baby”. I Didn’t Mean to Infantilize You.

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