Monthly Archives: August 2016

ledecky11A few “facts” about Olympic swimming superstar Katie Ledecky:

  • Katie Ledecky is so far ahead, she just won the gold medal for the 800m free in Tokyo 2020.
  • Katie Ledecky is so far ahead, NBC has to tape delay just to be able to air her races.
  • All of Katie Ledecky’s races have to be played in slo-mo just so she’s visible.
  • Katie Ledecky has broken the world record so many times that the warranty’s been voided.
  • Every sailfish grows up with a poster of Katie Ledecky on its wall
  • Katie Ledecky is her own role model. She has tiny mirrors in her goggles to give herself inspiration during races.
  • Katie Ledecky doesn’t race backstroke because there’s nothing she can look up to.
  • If you look up “speed” in the dictionary, you’ll miss Katie Ledecky win another 5 golds.
  • 9 months from now there will be a ton of babies named “Will”, which is short for “Will never live up to Katie Ledecky”.
  • Katie Ledecky moves through water like a hot knife through butter, which is to say every morning. While your lazy ass eats breakfast, Katie Ledecky is in the pool training.
  • Katie Ledecky doesn’t just win; she wins by huge amounts. Katie Ledecky’s margins are so large, her biography will only have one letter per page.
  • If Katie Ledecky signed a deal with Nike, they’d have to change their motto to “Just did it.”
  • Katie Ledecky is so fast because she trains so much more than her opponents. She has all that free time to practice while she waits for them to finish.
  • Katie Ledecky is constantly improving. When God created Katie Ledecky, it was another instance of Katie Ledecky reinventing herself.
  • Katie Ledecky is faster than the speed of light, the speed of sound, and the speed of Katie Ledecky.
  • Galileo said that speed equals distance over time, but Katie Ledecky disproved Galileo by showing us that Katie Ledecky has no equal.


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