Cards Rumors: Pope Benedict XVI Re-Signs

It is being reported that Pope Benedict has re-signed with the Vatican City Cardinals on a lucrative $265MM deal over XVI years.  The contract also includes a $17MM vestment option for a seventeenth year. Benedict was highly courted this offseason by several denominations after leading the league in stoles and posting the highest WWJD of his career at .764 . Concerns about Benedict’s health, however, have deterred some possible suitors from signing the left-hander as his season was shortened with a torn Ulnar Catholic Ligament. Benedict had Tommy St. John surgery operated on his injured elbow by renowned orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Jesus Andrews. He claims that his elbow was “miraculously healed overnight”.  The finalization of this deal is pending a papal physical. Should Pope Benedict’s medical report come up clean, the Cardinals will not have to forfeit their supplemental pick in the first round of the 2014 Major League Pope draft which they would have had to do had Pope Benedict signed elsewhere. This deal will lock up the 85 year old through his prime years and beyond. The latter years of this deal could become an albatross for the team to stomach as Benedict enters his years of decline; however, if he is able to stay healthy, Benedict will provide the Cardinals with ample production for the value and help them sustain their position as perennial championship contenders for the next few years.

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