LOS ANGELES — Pulling off a “hilarious” April Fools’ Day prank, previously asymptomatic area man Herb Foster jokingly informed his family that he had contracted the deadly Coronavirus.
“My test came back. Daddy’s got the Covid,” said Foster to his wife, three young children, and elderly uncle, trying his best to stifle a laugh and a cough.
“Don’t cry, kids! That’s how the disease spreads! Now that I think about it, one of you tykes probably gave it to me!” Foster teased that the most likely culprit was his youngest daughter Stephanie, 4, whose asthma was being triggered by her newly-induced stress. “You did this to me!” Foster spat, using his hand to wipe saliva from the side of his mouth.
Jesting that they should not have ordered takeout from the Chinese restaurant the night before, Foster clutched at his chest and collapsed theatrically onto the floor, touching as many surfaces as he could on the way down as he grasped for support. “Be good…for…your…mother,” Foster spluttered between short breaths, invoking his wife Mandy who crossed her arms, turned her back, and walked away.
“Herb pulls this shit every year,” said a visibly irritated Mandy, shaking her head. “Last year, he told us North Korea had launched a nuke at California and tried to wrangle everyone into the van with a duffel full of canned beans and bottled water. One of these days, I’m really going to socially distance from him. Permanently.”
Seeing that everyone in his family had been sufficiently perturbed, Foster confessed that he had just been kidding all along, totally unaware that he was not. “Hahahahaha! You should’ve seen your faces! Oh, man. All this laughing is making my face red.”
Asked whether such antics were appropriate in such a sensitive climate, Foster deflected blame: “It was a joke! It’s their fault for falling for it. They should’ve known I was joking when I said I was able to get tested.”
At press time, the mischievous Foster was spotted chasing his old uncle Jeff around the yard, trying to give him a wet willy.